Time for a Change

It's the first day of Fall and not everyone is happy about it. 

Fall brings change, and not everyone likes change.

I understand.

Leaves turn brown and fall off trees, leaving them bare and unattractive. Flowers wither away and die, making gardens and roadsides bland. Summer shops and activities close down, leaving patrons searching for other sources of fun...It's not pretty.

Divorce can force changes on us too... and I know first hand that it's never pretty.

We might have to move, change jobs, share custody of children, look in the mirror at who we are, and re-evaluate everything we've ever thought.

But, while these changes don't always feel good, they actually can be. Too often we focus on the negative aspects of things; desperate for summer to stay and in denial about saying goodbye to our marriage, we can miss the beauty of the present.

Fall gives us fresh, clean, cool air, and sounds and smells we cannot experience at any other time of the year. It also offers us beautiful colors, and exciting festivities which can bring us happiness...

Likewise, divorce can give us new things to look forward to, like strength, opportunity and freedom.

It's not all bad.

We just need to stop, let go of what was, and we might be able to appreciate what is, and what could be.

We can't control the seasons, the weather or the past...but we control our view of it. 

Change as a gift, try to see it as that.

Truly,

Amber

Soul Searching After Divorce

Picture this:

A couple gets married.

They assume they will live in wedded bliss for the rest of their lives.

Then one day they realize:

1. They got married to the wrong person
2. They got married for the wrong reasons
3. They don’t know why they got married in the first place

And it leads them to divorce.

When the divorce process is over it’s possible that these three things could happen:

1. They will reevaluate who they are
2. They will decide what they really want in life
3. They will consider whether or not they want to be with a partner or spouse again in the future

 

It's a new chapter where the divorcee takes time to be him or herself and explore life on their own so that in the future they can be a whole and happy individual.

This is Soul Searching...

And...it ’s not an overnight process. 

Just because it's the morning after D-Day and the ink is dry, doesn’t mean your new life is absolute.

Sorry...but this is actually just the beginning.

The process of self-re-discovery will not be completed instantaneously nor will it happen simultaneously…

It took me a year to confirm who I really was after my divorce, two years to recover from my divorce emotionally (and still to this day a thing, or two, will arise which I need to work on).

It then took two more years to find out what I wanted out of life and another couple of years to actually admit that I was ready to commit to a second marriage...some of it overlapped, some of it didn't.

It takes years after a divorce to actually create a new You and a new future (hence why I don’t ever support re-marriage within the first two years of divorce…there is something called rebound- it's dangerous, it happens to all of us, and it’s a topic for another day).

Soul Searching is where divorcees go back in time and reevaluate why they got married in the first place, who they were when and who their spouse was when they got married.

They may even want to take a look at the needs they may have been trying to fill by getting married (this is a common mistake if they married young,).

Take the time to re-construct your future….one step at a time.You're worth it.

 “The road to success is always under construction”….

                     Just like a divorcee’s life.

                     Happy Soul Searching.

                                           Truly,

                                           Amber