THE END

Isn't it sad that everything has an end?

Movies have an end.

Stories have an end.

The day begins with the sunrise and inevitably ends with a sunset (or not).

The best ice cream cone has a bottom...

The best of everything sometimes has to come to an end.

Whether we view it as a good thing, or a bad thing...

Is up to us.

What is YOUR new beginning?

And why will it be so wonderful?

Truly,

Amber

Every end has a new beginning. 

~ Proverb

Does Facebook Cause Divorce?

Picture from Facebookcheating.com

So, I was at the bank recently with my smallest child. It was his first time opening a bank account and I’d forgotten some paperwork at home.

Long story short, we sat at the desk of the banker who was opening the new account for us. We had been killing time making small talk until my oldest daughter got home off of the bus to grab the social security numbers out of the safe and call me, so we could then complete the transaction.

The guy behind the desk asked what I did. 

I told him how I have blogs. I like to motivate people, etc. 

He mentioned how one of his clients had been recently working on a positive encouragement website. 

I thought it was a darn good idea. I mentioned how it would be a little less social and a little more focused than Facebook (which I commented that I liked, but for business purposes something else might be more effective). 

He immediately gave me a look as if I’d just swore in church-maybe even worse!

He followed the look with a deep tone, saying, ‘Oooooouuuuuu, my Wife and I DON’T LIKE FACEBOOK’.

I was feeling a little guilty. I hadn’t realized that I’d said something bad and really didn’t mean to insult or strike a nerve. 

Though I could see where he was coming from after he offered more of an explanation.

He began to tell me that he and his wife had known neighbors, co-workers and friends whose marriages had ended in divorce because of Facebook.

Interesting thought though, since I was not personally experiencing anything negative in that way from  MY Facebook and I didn’t know anyone who was.

I must have looked surprised, because he nodded his head and said, ‘Really, Facebook is BAD’.

Ummmm, okay….I can see how Facebook can be addicting (I mean ask me how much time I spend on it and I will probably fudge the actual number of hours I check into my account) but I didn’t quite see how Facebook was single-handedly ruining marriages.

Low and behold, upon some research here are a number of articles claiming Facebook to be the culprit of divorces and demolished homes. Some even used in a court of law:

http://luvemorleavem.com/blog/2011/03/10/facebook-cause-divorce/

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/341vhP/www.newser.com/story/95409/15-signs-youll-end-up-cheating.html

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/facebook/6857918/Facebook-fuelling-divorce-research-claims.html

Correct me if I’m wrong here, isn't it people  who get divorced, not computers and websites?

My thoughts are, if a marriage is going to break up; if it’s going to end in divorce…it doesn’t need Facebook’s help- it’s going to happen no matter what. 

And bottom line on cheating via Facebook?

People don’t need to go online to be unfaithful.

What about all of those people who still aren’t here with us in the technology era???  Hmmm?

Truly,

Amber

When Life Gives You Lemons...

Click here to find out what to do with them:http://www.zazzle.com/funny_cartoon_ex_husband_divorce_humor_mug-168279287489292890

---Okay, so I don't condone violence against your 'X', but some days I am sure you are frustrated enough.---

I understand....

Divorced 5 years and counting....it's no picnic that's for sure....

But try to think positive, have a Fun Friday and smile!

Things can only get better!

 Truly,

Amber

Today is Not Forever

Do you remember that AWFUL splinter you got when you were 5!?
You know the one-when your uncle was building his house and you walked across some boards with your bare feet??

No?

Well you certainly remember that time you had the most DREADFUL stomach virus!? That one which kept you home from school and caused you to miss your baseball game?

No?

Okay...Surely you remember that time you stubbed your toe on the deck of your grandmother's pool on fourth of July when you were 11?

Still No?

I know.

You probably won't be to remember those moments of pain.

It was so long ago.

Pain seems excruciating while we are experiencing it, doesn't it though?
Sometimes the agony seems as if it will never end.

It's like being a 9 year old kid who broke their arm at the beginning of summer.
Not only did it hurt like heck, but MAN does it feel like it's going to be a VERY LONG three months!

The pain of divorce can be much like that.
Long, painful, often unbearable....and seemingly takes FOREVER to get through (and get over).

Well, the bad news is, there's no way out of the discomfort that comes with most most divorces....
The good news is it won't last forever.

I am the type of person who looks for motivation and inspiration every chance I get. (I need it.)
So when I was going through my divorce, my name had changed, and so I ordered new checks.
When I did, I decided to have this little quote printed on my checks: Today is Not Forever.

It reminded me that I was not going to remember many of those painful days in the years to come.

Just like a splinter, a stomach bug or a broken arm, the pain eventually diminishes with time...the wound heals and life seems renewed.

This past Monday was my 5th year anniversary of being divorced (6 if you count the long year of court battles)...and you know, I almost missed realizing what day June 6th was...

I was right....those days didn't last forever...

Truly,

Amber

Divorce Can Be Best for the Kids

I used to be a person who believed that any marital issues could be resolved.

Though several years into my marriage, and many attempts at working through things, I began to doubt that theory.

I did what I thought any spouse should do; try hard and work on things until you get it right.

But no matter how hard I tried, things were not working out.  (I should’ve been reading that book, ‘He’s just not that into you’, I would’ve saved myself a ton of time and heartache.)

I was not a perfect wife by any means, but I was at least willing to bend and change (maybe too much).

I was prepared to counsel, flex and work harder than each of the days before. 

For my children’s sake, I wish that he could have gotten things straightened out. But that’s not what happened.

Things finally became clear to me that it was time to get a divorce.

Many (even members of my family) criticized me for even thinking about divorce, and of course then I was chastised for actually going through with it.

But this is the way I looked at it; divorce could be good for my children. 

While my husband and I had problems it were my children who continued to suffer.  Precious time wasted on arguments. Sweet moments thrown away on being irritated and angry.

You might think that divorce is the only time kids are affected by marital problems, but it’s not.

Think about the last time you had a disagreement or real conflict with someone at work. There’s tension- No?

 That tension is evident to those around you and is not exclusive to just you and the person you are at odds with. It leaks.

Imagine how it might be for a person living with you.

More so, imagine what it’s like for a child who is dependent on you to know you love them, care for them, and are emotionally available to them.

It’s painful and confusing.

Children, no matter what the age, are easily affected by marital stress. 

Additionally, couples who continue on for long periods of time with unresolved marriage issues can become detached, distant and easily irritated. They can begin using alcohol to deal with the issues at home. 

Some may choose to turn away from their family searching for more of a social-life, getting involved in affairs and/or internet relationships, in pursuit of the same results; a way of escaping their marital problems.

You may think that children don't notice these changes. But even if they cannot see them, they can still feel them. 

In some cases, it may be better to divorce.

Children will suffer no matter what the decision, but being able to provide them with emotional stability and emotional availability is worth the sacrifice.

Many kids (including my own) have said that they would not change a thing about their lives.

And although they may not have wanted their parents to get divorced, they see that everyone is much happier and that is what matters.

Why would kids say something like this?

Because, it’s what feels good. 

They don’t want to spend their entire childhood amongst their parent’s constant state of conflict.

They just want to be happy…and sometimes that means they want to see you happy too.

Truly,

Amber

The Big 'D' = The Big 'O'

Everyone knows the story about the boy who cried wolf…

It was the old fable that taught us not to say things we don’t mean, or that are not true; to get something we want.

Using the ‘D’ word in a marriage can be similar to this fable.

If a spouse mentions divorce, they should understood that ‘D’ = ‘O’.

Divorce means the marriage is OVER. ‘Irreconcilable differences beyond repair.’

That’s right…If you decide to even utter the ‘D’ word to your spouse, you better be ready for the marriage to be over.

Because once spoken, your spouse now has the option. 

They do not have to stay, they can leave.

So, if you are looking to fix your marriage, do not threaten your spouse with the ‘D’ word.

This is not a successful form of reconciliation. And is nothing but an empty threat, where you hope to see significant changes.

It is useless and is far from any type of problem solving.

When I told my husband I wanted a divorce I was more than ready to call it quits.

And that was a good thing, because he certainly wasn’t fighting to stay married to me. 

I gave him the option. He took it.

I was not regretful. And I’d imagine he wasn’t either.

But a very important thing that I needed to do was prepare myself mentally.

I had to be sure I was ready.

I was. I knew that I had done my duty as a wife. I had given my marriage the amount of time and energy out of my life that I felt it deserved.

I had overturned every stone possible.

And when I pulled the punches and called ‘D’… it was not a threat, it was the end.

There were no ultimatums, no more chances. 

Divorce is the END of marriage. Not the middle or the ‘maybe he will change’, or the ‘maybe she will come around’ –

'D' is the Big ‘O’.

It’s OVER.

So the next time you think that you want a divorce, really really think about that.

A question that one of my good friends asked me during my struggle to decide was:

Can you imagine your spouse with someone else? 

Then ask:

Can you deal with not living with him/her for another day?

Can you imagine your future without him/her?

If you can say yes to all three, than you might be ready for the Big ‘O’ and you can use the Big ‘D’.

Otherwise, stop crying wolf.

Truly,

Amber

After the Rain

Picture from StumbleUpon-Isabella

You'll find a silver lining if you look for it...a rainbow if you stick with it. 

Stay positive, things will get better.

Happy Friday!

Truly,

Amber