A Great Divorce Tweet

Tweeted by   

Divorce Outreach:

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” ~Lewis B Snede

I'm Re-Married and Nothing Has Changed

Attempting Wedded Bliss A Second Time

I've been divorced for six years but was recently re-married and since then, everyone I see keeps asking me... 'So, how's life as Mrs., has anything changed?'

Prior to tying the knot I continually wondered if anything would be different after the 'big day'.

I remember marrying my first husband. I had really thought something (anything) would change. I figured we'd known each other so well that it would only get better from there and we would embark on a brilliant world of matrimony! (Boy was I wrong...on all accounts.)

We didn't know each other nearly enough and things certainly did not get better, the marriage was blissful for a while....but not forever like we'd thought.

What is it about getting married young, or for the first time? Why is it we think things will magically and magnificently change?

We imagine things like:

• We will become a better couple
• We will become smarter people
• We will become more complete human beings
• We will become more successful individuals

None of those things change as a result of marriage.

That is fantasy.

And this is reality.

I knew what it felt like to get married already. I knew what it was like to be a bride, say my vows and...be a wife...I knew what to expect.

But, this time around, as every one of my friends and colleagues got excited for my wedding and the 'big changes' ahead, I played it cool....expecting something different....

I hoped that absolutely nothing would change.

And so far, as dull as it might seem, I was right....nothing has.

Things are the same as they were before we made it legal.

• We still sometimes have the miscommunication which most men and women (or any couple) tends to have...

• We still have very little time to spend alone together (we're a busy family and a two income household) ...

• We still love each other very much ...

And I am very okay with this!

We will endure the ups and downs that life bring and celebrate the amazing moments....learning something new about each other every day (hoping it's mostly good...but it know that it won't always be...)

Okay- so it seems that maybe one thing might have changed this time around (possibly even two)...

1. We try harder to make it through things........because we know what our options are....

      2.  We married for the right reasons, and what appears to be the right person, and we aren't awaiting  a magic spell to take place

Maybe second marriages don't get the credit they deserve....

Fitting In To Society

 

'I've never been married, 

but I tell people I'm divorced

 so they won't think something is wrong with me'.

- Elayne Boosler

What We Can Learn From Kim Kardashian & Kris Humphries

After divorce we can all usually look back and see a few things we could have done differently, or a couple of red flags that we ignored.

It's all bad...
But when you are in the 'honeymoon phase' you don't always see them...and often choose to ignore them.

Seems to me that Kim and Kris are probably at this pass, where they look back and say, 'what was I thinking?'.

The top 3 things I think they did wrong?

1. They didn't live together first (how do you truly know somebody if you don't?)
2. They let Kim's little sister and child live under the same roof as them. (This is right up there with working with relatives and most companies have policies against it, for a reason!) I mean they were newlyweds coming home to her sister and baby living with them...I don't think that is a good idea for any newlyweds.
3. They didn't call it quits prior to walking down the aisle (for 'whatever' reason).

The one thing they did right?

 ***Get Divorced!***

Now, if someone would just cancel their show so they can get on with their lives.

What did you do in your honeymoon phase which you now know was a mistake? Did you see any red flags?

Was the Time Invested in Your Marriage Wasted After Divorce?

Ten years seems like forever.
That's how long my first marriage was.

For the longest time after my divorce I would look back at those ten years and curse them (literally)...and curse myself as well.

I'd felt I'd 'wasted' so much time on that relationship. I was resentful that I'd never be able to get that time back and the only thing I was grateful for were the children we had from the marriage.

Whether you've spent one, two, ten, twenty-five or forty  years married, and then get a divorce, chances are you will automatically feel like those years have been thrown away in the trash, never to be regained.

Well, part of that is true.

None of those years can be relived. But none of them should be viewed as a waste. Ever.

Those years were full of growing, learning, and having experiences you never would have had without that relationship. There is a lot to be taken away from that. (Both good and bad.)

We should never squander our  precious present on regrets, woulda's, shoulda's, or coulda's.....
That is a terrible use of time and a negative way to live. It's only going to make us feel worse.
(Ask me how I know...)

But it can be very easy to get caught up in it, get angry, and tell ourselves 'what was I thinking?' being with that person if it wasn't gong to work out....

I can tell you, that it makes no difference how long you spent together, how many anniversaries you shared or how many vacations you took or places you lived together....it wasn't a waste....

But, it's over now.
 And looking forward is what will benefit you to most...not looking back.


After six years of divorce, I can now see that ten years was only a small sliver of my life and that the best years, the best of my life is right now, right in front of me, and that there is plenty more to look forward to.

I like Dr. Phil's advice. He's always offers straight up, with no fluff. Sometimes he can give a hard pill to swallow, but boy, he always hits the mark.

Read some of his tips  about moving on after divorce.

 "Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why we call it 'The Present'." attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt “

What is there to be Thankful for After Divorce?

With Thanksgiving just around the corner, the theme everywhere seems to be 'appreciation and gratitude'.

The devastation which is left behind after divorce

can take it's toll...

 With tornadoes of emotional pain, constant hurricanes of financial issues and floods of unwanted stress, we often wonder how we're supposed to find gratitude amongst this ugly mess we call divorce.


Sure, over time, things do get better, but if it's just the beginning, or it's taking a while for things to fall into place, it can be a challenge to find that grateful spirit so many push during this time of year.

Thanksgiving is a holiday geared around family traditions...and if you are divorced, your old traditions may only be with you in memory...

Some people may not realize how much divorce uproots a persons life.

Although my divorce has been over for six years, it never really goes away. I have children with my 'X' and so I must interact with him more often than I'd like...and yes, yes, I know, I should try to be friends...believe me, I've been there and I tried that for a while...no takers on the other end so it is a very separate relationship...

No Demi Moore and Bruce Willis fantasy here.... I suppose it's simpler this way.

But, that isn't really my biggest challenge.

It's actually finding out what I should be thankful for this week, when starting last year, my children and I will never spend another Thanksgiving together until they are eighteen (or older).

Hmmmmm............

Well, what would any divorced person be thankful for on Thanksgiving?

This is what I came up with (for starters):

1. My children are lucky enough to have a father who wants to spend time with them
2. My children are also lucky to have step-siblings they enjoy spending time with when they are there

3. I have them on Halloween, half the summer and every other Christmas and every other day of the year besides spring break!!!    That is something to be grateful for!!!!!

4. A warm home
5. Good health
6. Clean, running water
7. The right to choose, vote, speak my opinions and practice my religion
8. Love
9. Life
9. The freedom to divorce ;)
10. Second chances
11. The opportunity to rebuild

...Not to mention a mini-vacation from being Mom....

You can see that even with the divorce, I still have plenty to be thankful for.

So this Thanksgiving, consider your divorce 'an inconvenience to appreciate' because not everyone gets a second chance to build a new life, or rebuild at all...


Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation.  ~ Brian Tracy

After Every Natural Disaster....Somehow People Always Find the Courage to Rebuild

What are You Thankful for???

When Your Cell Phone's Spell Check Fails

Recently this happened to me, except I was texting a friend about my recent wedding.

I'd asked her if she would be coming early to the rehearsal party and my phone spell checked it as 

'reversal party'

YIKES! 

Be careful out there, 

Spell check has a mind of it's own!