How About A Little More Faith For Your Healing? (Video)

I know from experience, it's impossible to heal on our own power, alone.

This blog post, written by a fellow blogger, says it so much better:

Connie's blog: Stumbling Blocks: 

'Once we make the decision to allow God to heal, 

He begins to show you the reasons you are hurting.  

Just because He showed me the thing that...'

A Must See Video if You Want to Move On After Divorce

There are so many messages within this video. 

One of my favorites is at the very end:

"Leave the past behind and embrace the present"

A Mother's Letter to her 'X's Second Wife...

Wow.

I am speechless...(that doesn't happen very often).

In doing some weekend reading on divorce, 

I revisited a site I feel covers important topics.

This letter absolutely left me speechless...

It says it precisely...
I had absolutely nothing to add...

Except:

~Signed,
That Woman

Sharing a Helpful Post on Break-up Recovery

Need help healing?

Check out this blog post on How to Get Over A Breakup

Whether it's a divorce, or just a split...the heart takes it the same.

Time Goes By Too Slow After Divorce

I used to think that time was my enemy. 

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick….tock.

The seconds, minutes and hours continuously counting down… pressuring me to make a decision, accomplish something or be somewhere. I was constantly in a race to get to where I wanted to be; literally and figuratively.

But, after my divorce, I noticed that time could also work in the opposite way as well.

When we are waiting in line for something, most of us feel that the time just doesn’t pass by quick enough... When we’re in pain, it always feels like the time will never pass...

One night, after my divorce, I felt triumphant, though still hopeless.

I had done it! I had divorced my husband. I had gone back to work after being a stay at home mom for two years. I had successfully made it through a twelve month legal battle and I was happy! 

So why was so uneasy?

Because, I felt like the clock of life was going too fast. I had no idea what was next...but that clock kept ticking. Going too slow to erase the pain, but too fast for me to catch up on life's plans.

That was over six years ago and to look back and think about it now seems silly to worry about today...

So, here I am; it is March of 2012 and it I realized now that time was never the enemy... always my friend...and a true gift. Time was a tool; patience and faith the key.

I'm right where I'm supposed to be, and although difficult, it's been a glorious journey. 

I was eager for results and too quickly wanted to arrive somewhere..

But I see that when we are patient, we give ourselves the necessary opportunities and experiences we require, to become who we are meant to be... as well as where we are meant to be…

Our destiny, if you will.

So, after your divorce, don't be pressured by the tick-tick-tock of the clock. Be thankful you have that extra time to heal, make choices,  change your mind, grow as a person, or fix a mistake.


Time really is on your side...

Time is a Gift, Use it Wisely

Be thankful that you have that extra time to say you’re sorry, change your mind, grow as a person or fix a mistake.

Calvin and Hobbes on Divorce

One of the Best Informational Divorce Sites

This has got to be one of the best Divorce Information sites I've come across (and there are a lot of them out there).

I like this one because it is positive, fair, honest, helpful and compassionate and deals with every aspect from paperwork to emotions, behavior to court, custody to suggested local legal counsel and all by state.

This website and it's resources support the whole family and both spouses, it's not bias to one or the other. It even offers advice on things regarding before and after divorce.

If you are in need of divorce resources and advice, you need to visit DivorceNet.com. 

Don't Take it From Me...

This guys tells it like it is about divorce.

Divorce: Even if there's still love?

Find at Free-Extras.com

Just had to share this article...

A question which is often asked:

Is is normal to still love your spouse, but still want a divorce?

Yes.

I did.

It felt weird.

But, felt right

....and I survived.

~

This article is awesome, check it out!

I wish I knew then, what I know now...

I had never read anything like this when I was going through my divorce. It would have been quite helpful in the healing process.

Forgiveness is For YOU

" Forgiveness is the way to true health and happiness."  - Gerald Jampolsky

Fun Friday Quote

Divorce is like a cold; you come down with one; you get better; and you hope you never get another 

- Submitted anonymously

Boycott Valentines Day!

                                                   

During my divorce it seemed Valentines was a wasted holiday, stupid actually.

I thought to myself: Flower prices are hiked up, dinner reservations are impossible to get and the pressure to have a Valentine, or Be One, is incredibly annoying.

It made me want to boycott Valentine's Day altogether. 

But, that's a little extreme. Just because I didn't have a mate, didn't mean I had to hate the #1 Day of Love.

Instead, I decided to view V-Day differently. Instead of focusing on the fact that I didn't have anything to celebrate...I chose to focus on the meaning behind the day itself...expressing love.

As much as the mushy day seems quite focused on couples, it really is a day to celebrate Love in general. That can be any love. Love with your children, love with your family, love for your friends...and the one we tend to forget about most...ourselves!

Happy Valentine's to You. Celebrate yourself, the strides you've made, the life you are building and the future that is yours.

This Valentine's Day, don't boycott the day, just celebrate it a different way.

Do something for you! You deserve it! Most importantly, you deserve Self-Love.

Revenge...

Getting even throws everything out of balance. 
~ Joe Browne

EXCELLENT DIVORCE ADVICE!

I came across a blog post this week. 

IT'S A MUST READ FOR ALL DIVORCEE'S. 

This is a longer one, though it's direct, no nonsense, includes bullet points and 

even covers 'sex with your ex'!

Please check this out. 

Bookmark it if you have to.

Come back and read it later.

Not enough of this advice is out there!

Thanks!

'If you believe that you can damage, then believe that you can fix.' 

~ Rebbe Nachman

That Day Rings a Bell...

The other day I had been searching the internet for something funny for Fun Friday, and as I read a post, I noticed it had the date of September 30th.

At first I thought nothing of it. Then I thought I felt a small little inkling that I should know that date...like it meant something.

I finished reading the post, went back up to the top of the page and there was that date again...September 30th. Staring at me!

Now why did that date ring a bell?

Was it someone's birthday? Had I forgotten to do something that day?

I gave up on it, closed the window and THEN...it came to me!

That had been my wedding date when I was married to my first husband over sixteen years ago! (I've been divorced for 6.)

Yikes!

 I felt so embarrassed. I thought, 'Oops...I guess I should remember that date, huh?'...

Ummmm, nope...why? It's over. We aren't together anymore, and we will certainly never celebrate it again.

It should simply be considered 'just another day'. And that is what it will be...suppose it already is, since I kind of forgot about it...

Just goes to show you time heals......and helps you forget.

(So glad we didn't get married on a holiday!)

Have you forgotten your wedding date? 

If so, how long did it take before you considered it just another day?

Divorced, But Still Hanging On

The other day I came across this article about a man who's apparently dragging out a lawsuit with a wedding photographer, who supposedly botched the guys wedding photos.

I believe in treating customers with respect and delivering the service you've promised, and if this is not done right, I also believe in certain measures to ensure the customer is reimbursed...but what I don't believe is spending time and stress on what's not important and/or asking for unreasonable compensation.

Missed moments in a wedding can never be regained. The time has passed. The photographers were there for just about the entire wedding, got the most important moments, and from what I can see, the photos didn't come out too shabby.

So, should he just let it go? Maybe, because like the groom's special day, which is long gone (they were married in 2003), likewise, the bride is also gone.

True! They divorced in  2010. This is clearly a very sad case of a husband hanging on too tightly to the past. And, no matter how hard he tries to force the photographer to re-stage the photo shoot and his 'X'-Bride to stand there in her gown. According to Stacy Zaretsky's blog post on AbovetheLaw.com: 'according to (photographers) H & H’s founder, Curt Fried, apparently doesn’t even know where his ex-wife lives ...')

While this man's wedding day might have been the happiest moments in his life, there is nothing he can do to get it back. Honestly, after divorce, there is usually not much that can be done to reconcile.

If you are holding on too tightly to your wedding day feelings...let them go.
The wedding was never the marriage anyways...it was just THE day in the past that you said your vows and partied with friends on. Seriously, it had very little to do with the success or demise of your marriage.

Nothing will get those wedding-day-feelings (or those happy-parts-of-the-marriage) back.

The divorce is real.  It happened.

Tuck the wedding photos away in a drawer for after the wounds have healed...don't try to relive it...just remember it...

Update to Divorce No-No's

There are many a things to be done after divorce, though there are probably many more we should not do, but we do anyways. And, all too often, we tend to learn our lesson after it's been a while, i.e.; when it's too late.

Here is a page on Divorce Dazed which I've updated a bit.

This information can be reached in the future by clicking on the Divorce Don'ts tab

Divorce Don'ts 

(By the way, no matter how much it seems....nothing on this list will make the divorce better...hence why it's successfully made it to the No-No list.)

Healthy Divorcee's say 'No' to the following:

• Blaming your 'X'

• Blaming yourself
• Dating too soon (for starters-before the divorce is final, is too soon)

• Dating online

• Re-marrying too soon (especially to someone you met online)

• Destroying old photos (you will regret this and your kids may hate you for it)

• Badmouthing your X to your children (if you have them-the kids will hate this also)

• Starting every sentence with 'my X' when talking to friends (you're hurt, we get it, now get over it, nobody wants to hear the broken record)

• Searching for a pill or drink that will numb the pain or loneliness you feel (this won''t make it go away, it just creates a whole new problem)

Yes, divorce is ugly and makes you want to get over it A.S.A.P. and with minimal damage. 
It is possible, but it's not easy.

Visit some other posts here on Divorce Dazed, and try to find solace in the fact that many of us have been in the same boat....Divorce is no picnic, for sure. 

But the good news is, as time passes, so will the pain...The sun truly will shine again.

Many wonderful opportunities come to us disguised as bad events.

Don't lose hope.

~'Just when the caterpillar thought that the world was over, he became a butterfly.'~ proverb

What's Your Divorce Story?

I am currently reading a book called 'A Year and Six Seconds' by Isabel Gillies.
For those of you who are Law & Order: Special Victims Unit  fans, she is actually the woman who plays Detective Stabler's wife.

Very intriguing, yet quite funny at times, Isabel recounts her divorce, the roller coaster that proceeds it and the steps she takes to get back to normal with her two young sons.

Her story is very different from my own, but I think that is what it makes the book so interesting. While she is a woman and mother like me, she was divorced by her cheating husband, and was not the divorcee like I was. There are many other differences, including the fact that she was an actress, who had to pretend on camera that she and her husband were divorcing, at the same time that her and her real husband were actually divorcing...wow...if that isn't tough...but, it must have lent easy tears for the part.

 A beautifully written, humorous story, about real-life divorce and the struggle a mother goes through.

I've taken note that the subtitle to the book is: 'A Love Story'. I haven't quite reached that part yet, but it seems that there's a happy ending after these large clouds pass....

Isn't that what we all look forward to?

The silver lining....?

I hope she gets it.

If you were to write about your divorce, what would you name your book?

My divorce title would be: Life Goes On

(The title of Gillies' book means something, to find out what it is, check out the book.)

Fun Friday: Can You Laugh About It?

Some people might criticize me for posting things like this...but I think that if you are far enough in your divorce, there are some things you can laugh about.

This story is one of them. Found on Divorce Jokes, this is really funny and could very well go both ways when it comes to who's making the three wishes.

A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly she came out in the divorce settlement, when she spies a lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a genie.

The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. Then the genie informs that he will give her three wishes. But, he cautions her, because he does not believe in divorce, he will give her ex-husband ten times what she wishes for.

The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars.

The genie grants her wish and she finds herself sitting on one billion dollars. The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of 10 billion dollars.

The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish. The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private beach.

In an instant it was granted, but the genie then reminds again that her ex-husband now owns ten of what she wished for.

Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate her last wish. Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman informs the genie that she wants to make the last wish. But, before she can do this, the genie again warns her that her ex-husband will get ten times what she wishes for.

No problem, said the woman as she grinned in ecstasy. For my last wish.."Id like to give birth to twins".

What Every Divorcee Needs in The New Year

Divorce can, and will, leave a large hole in a person's life (and in their heart) which often seems as if it might never be filled.

I know this because I've been there before.

It was my choice to divorce my children's father, break up my family, and walk away from a ten year marriage, and I might have been excited about the end of misery and a new beginning, but I was still very angry about the time wasted...and there wasn't one thing I was thankful for, besides the kids.

I felt empty.

On the surface I was hopeful and motivated, but on the inside I was angry and petrified.

It took me a long time to before I realized that divorce was not the end of the world, that it was only the end of a chapter in my life.

Our lives are a series of things...
Of heartaches, heartbreaks, challenges and obstacles, which all help make us more of who we are...

Divorce is just one of those things that must be tackled, succeeded and which we can grow from.

But, to be done, one very important thing is needed, gratitude.

There were many times when I had no hope, no positive outlook, or desire to dream when I was coping with the many struggles of divorce...but I'm amazed at where I am now, how I feel, and what I have accomplished.

To heal, you must be grateful for today... tomorrow...yesterday...and everything in between.

A motto, that during my divorce, I had ordered and printed in the memo section of my checks to remind me that the tough times would pass, was: 'Today is not forever'...You're getting a second chance and this time it will be better.

If you are looking for ways to become more appreciative, try B.A.G., get yourself a journal (even a small flip note book), or post a few gratitude quotes around the house. Be thankful for the gift of life, the friends, family (children), and freedom of choice that you are blessed with.

If it's bad, learn from it and let it go. 

When it's good, no matter how small, cherish it.