Teaching Children That Royal Weddings Don't Equal Successful Marriages

With the impending Royal Wedding coming up I thought this would be a good time to talk about my nuptials!

As we know, traditionally most marriages take place with some form of a wedding and its a billion dollar industry in which I’ve been on both sides of. 

I’ve worked in a bridal shop as a seamstress and sales consultant and I have also been the future bride. (Working in a bridal salon while you're going through a divorce can be an eye opening experience.)

My first marriage was in 1995. The girls in my bridal party wore matching amethyst (purple) dresses and carried irises. I wore an amazing seven layer, tulle, gown, fit for a princess. I carried an arm of white Calla Lilies and The dress had a cathedral length train which was detachable and I just remember it being so gosh-darn-heavy that I couldn’t wait to get it off! Our invitations were complete with matching colors and donned the royal coach and castle with a ‘dreams really do come true’ theme… 

It seems often times when a young bride and groom marry, especially when it’s their first marriage, they often glamorize the event. 

My ex and I were only 23 and 22 respectively and though it was not a big wedding, you can see that we certainly got ‘caught up’ in it. He was just as involved as I, right down to choosing the cake knife and addressing the invitations.

After all that planning we tied the knot in an outdoor ceremony, on a warm September day, where we read our own personalized vows to one another underneath my in-laws-pear trees.

My fiancée, who I am with today, did something similar in his 20’s, as well (I’m sure it was with less involvement) but he also married his young bride, had a beautiful day, but ended up with a not so beautiful marriage.

(A perfect wedding is never a guarantee of a perfect marriage. And how could it be? I know that now, because I am divorced. Lucky me, divorce is great insight into relationships.)

I now have three children from my first marriage and I wasn't sure I wanted a wedding, but obviously the kids wanted to be a part of the special day in the form of a wedding, and we also wanted our family and friends to witness it, so we've decided that we will be celebrating it this way….but…

My challenge is to plan this event without glamorizing it, so that my young daughters will not confuse weddings with marriage.

Most little girls dream, and there is no way for them to not be excited about pretty dresses and the stuff surrounding a wedding…but I don’t want to encourage them. 

I do not want them to see me planning and shopping for a dress and think, ‘That’s what I want to do in life: get a pretty white dress, get married and be a Princess for a day... then live happily ever after. It looks so easy.’ 

Many adults know, clearly, that marriage is anything but easy, but to a young girl, watching a wedding, it appears easy, and totally glamorous.

Remember Princess Di’s wedding to Prince Charles? 

(We are about to repeat history. Hopefully just the ratings and not the divorce.)

I would like to do my best to ensure that my daughter’s see past the glitz and glam of my wedding because the reality is, it doesn’t matter how good you look on that day; if your relationship doesn’t have what it takes, or you aren’t secure in yourself, there will be no such thing as Happily Ever After. 

So how do we have a wedding without glamorizing it and sending our children the wrong message? 

1. Talk about the promise we are about to make to one another and what it means
2. Explain how the wedding is a day to publicly promise our love and commitment 
3. Talk about our faith, God’s hand and his blessing and how they are a part of this wedding and marriage 
4. Remind children that marriage is hard work, and does not stop after the wedding
5. Keep wedding magazines, bridal shows and the like out of focus. Good resources, but we do not need to spend a lot of time with them-My girls have not attended a bridal show and they will not, when it comes to my wedding 
6. Don’t talk too much about the ‘details’ of the wedding, instead focus on the relationship and the reasons for marriage 
7. Make shopping for dresses a simple, non-glamorous outing by personally focusing on what you want before you go, don’t take the kids to the dress shops with until you’ve chosen the one for yourself…parading around in multiple dresses looks fun and glamorous to many young girls and will create the desire to do the same 
8. When it’s their turn (if they are in the wedding) help them find the best fit and most comfortable dress, don’t make a fashion show out of it…explain that the dress shopping is merely to look for appropriate attire for the event

Don’t take this as a suggestion to shield your excitement about your big day. (We are all very excited about our October wedding, but just try to make sure that they aren't mislead to thinking that it’s all about the party, rather than the commitment and reason behind the wedding.

Marriage is a serious commitment....is hard work and is just the beginning and no matter how lovely the wedding turns out it is not a Guaranteed Arrival to Happily Ever After....

Just ask the Royal Family.

Truly,

Amber