How to Bring in The New Year After Divorce

Make this New Year 'Your Year'!

No doubt, divorce changes things and can bring about some major disappointments.

I will never forget how long it took me after my divorce to get over my crushed dreams.

Gone were my ideals of being married to my husband for 50-60 years, flushed was the image of adding an addition onto our home, and gone was my desire to live in one place for the rest of my life...

This was just a start...

Married couples, happy or not, make so many plans together. And aside from those ones which are said out loud, your heart and mind make a few silent ones as well...

(I suppose it could be called looking to the future as things are today and making an assumption it will continue tomorrow.)

My biggest assumption was the idea I would be raising my children in the one home we ever had, the one which we built. I just figured I'd watch them grow up there.

'Well, why wouldn't I?'

My 'X' and his best friend spent days wiring the recessed lighting (including the final afternoon when he was late getting to our daughter's first birthday party because they were trying so hard to complete the job).

Many evening hours were spent in our new home, with our little ones falling asleep in their playpen, as we painted our soon to be living room, bedroom, kitchen, baths and bedrooms).

There were weeks of going to the property and picking up trash and making dump runs...

Then, making that grueling move into our home in a blizzard, on Thanksgiving...

After all of that, I guess I did just assume that our grandchildren would eventually pick strawberries and vegies from our backyard garden, like my own children began doing.

'And Who Wouldn't?'

But, all of that changed for sure.

And it took me two years after my divorce, to  finally realized that it didn't matter where we lived, and I finally let go of the dream when I moved out of our home and relocated to an apartment 600 miles away.

'All that was important then was that we were healing and that my children and I had time together.'

But, that wasn't it.... there was a catch... I couldn't do it by just moving away, I had to actually let go of the ties that held me to the past, by building new dreams.

Dreams and goals ought to be a part of everyone's life; young, old, married, single or divorced.

Without them, our lives are lived in a perpetual groundhog day, so to speak. (If you've ever seen the movie, you know that the main character (Bill Murray) wakes up each day doing the same thing-literally.)
As we get into that dreary routine of life, with no hope for the future, life becomes boring and even depressing.

After divorce, nothing will really go back to the way it was, and most of us realize that, after a while, we wouldn't want it to anyhow.

Our home wasn't large... but it wasn't small either. It seemed just perfect for a small family of five. But honestly, I was never really in love with some of it's features, or at one point, it's location. Building a home was difficult...you had to assume you knew what the future would hold....and we all know that's impossible.

'Change is inevitable.'

It's been six years since my 'X' and I split, and I've spent a good majority of those years building one small dream after another, and I'm happy to say that I look forward to another New year so that I can build more.

Hanging on to the past will always be the anchor which holds us back from creating a new future.

So, this New Year's, allow yourself to let go of the 'Old Dreams' and 'Build New Ones'!

Make the first goal a personal one....

What will you do to 'rebuild you'?

You can’t drive forward on the road of life

if you’re looking in the rear view mirror.- author unknown

Read a story about focusing on the past 

A Birth at Chirstmas for the Divorced

I wish you all the things you want for Christmas.

If you are in the middle of

a divorce, or close to the end, 

I hope it soon comes to a close.

Most of all, I wish you peace, acceptance, happiness and joy,

and applaud you for coming this far down the broken road.

I assure you that there will be better days ahead and that 

Divorce is not the end, but just the beginning of

a new life which was meant to be amazing!

As many celebrate Christmas as the gift of a birth,

you too celebrate Christmas with with a birth,

your own - a person anew, divorced.

Find the time this holiday to reflect on what is good within you and around you.

Take a moment to cherish what has been

and what will be.

Happy Holidays.

8 Ways to Explain to Your Child Why You Divorced Your Spouse

I was a child of divorce, and during the experience, nobody explained a thing to me. I overheard an argument, we left and I rarely spoke to my mother again. I was almost eight years old, and I never asked my father any questions until I was 36.

It left me confused.

At the beginning of my own divorce with my 'X', we sat down with our three children (well-the two who were old enough to talk) and told them what was happening.

That alone did not stop the questions....
I will never forget on many occasions, when my four year old daughter would sit at the dinner table at night and ask, 'So, who's idea was it for this divorce thing, anyways?' (So, maybe we hadn't explained everything.)

I was always shocked, that at her age, she would be capable of asking such a question, never mind think it. (As she has become older, I realized that she's become quite an outspoken child, so maybe that's why she had the guts to ask.)

Honestly, most kids of divorce feel the same way, but it's very likely that they are not comfortable coming out an asking those types of things, but they really-really want to know what's happening...)

Kids have feelings too. They are comfortable with their routines and their current lives and they are severely affected by their parent's separation. Even if their parent's were never married, they still experience the changes along with the grown-ups, and desperately want to understand.

So, how do you talk to them about it?

The answer is: Carefully. 

A divorce is ultimately a result of two people's differences, weaknesses and decisions . Finger pointing at the other parent as the responsible party for the divorce is not only unfair, but damaging to the child. Believe it or not, it can also be extremely detrimental to the relationship between the child and the ill-talking parent.

Your child will always form their own opinions, whether you bad mouth your 'X' or not. And no matter what you say they did wrong (or continue to do) your child will always side with his own feelings in the end.

Many parents are afraid to admit to their child that they've initiated divorce or been imperfect in marriage.
It's important to put yourself and your own fears aside to explain to your child the reasons for your divorce...so that maybe, just maybe, you can help break the cycle, and keep them from making the same mistakes you did.

Here are some tips on how to explain to your child, 'why you divorced your spouse':

First:  In every conversation, always tell them, 'It's not your fault and we both still love you very much."

1. Make time to sit down for the talk, no interruptions from phones, siblings, etc.
2. Do it in a comfortable place, somewhere they like to be.
3. Keep it age appropriate, but if they ask mature questions, it's possible they may be able to handle a little more.
4. Don't hide the truth. They will find out on their own in due time, and when they do, you can be sure they will hold it against you if you lie to them.
5. Don't tell them, 'You wouldn't understand.' (They can, and will, if you help them.)
6. Don't try to make your spouse look bad, you need to take the blame as well (we all know it takes two).
7. Get them books, look them up in the library or on Amazon. There are several characters and age level stories to help kids understand (from a kids point of view) how to cope and what to expect, and it can sometimes help explain 'why'.
8. Put the divorce discussion on the table for questions today, and always.


My son was only two when I divorced my 'X'. He had no clue what was going on.
He will always have questions and will continually need help to go back, and fill in the blanks.

It's our job to help our children understand the divorce. I believe that kids can deal with it just fine as long as someone they trust tells them what's going on, and is there continually, to help them through the mounds of questions and emotions, so that someday, they can find closure...like I finally did, at 36.

Is Your Picker Broken?

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about how when I got married to my first husband I must've had a 'broken picker'.

I'd never heard of this phrase before...I thought it was merely a slang phrase made up by the person whom told it to me!

To my surprise, MORE people know about this 'broken picker' phrase than I thought, and not only that, they have (or had) one too!!!

As far as I'm concerned, anyone who's been divorced can consider their picker broken, at least once...

Read This if You Think You Have a Broken Picker

Read This is You Think You Would Like to Fix It

OMG! The Funniest Divorce Attorney Advertisment Video!

Check out this hysterical divorce lawyer video!

I wonder how many clients he received from it!

From the sounds of this, he might still be working on healing!

What it Takes to Let Go

Courage is the power to let go of the familiar. ~ Raymond Lindquist

Murder vs. Divorce

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription." - posted online by John1960

Reading this might be funny, but murder no joke. Unhappy marriages should never come to this...though every year there's folks who feel this is their only way out.


We thought our marriage was bad...

With constant frustration, chronic unhappiness, complete and utter miscommunication and misunderstanding all the time, stress, anger and sometimes deceit...

We end up contemplating divorce...

And we think: 'that could be far worse.'...

With it's costly attorney's fees, unpleasant exchanges with the 'X', dissatisfied societal views, crushed dreams, possible custody problems and the loss of half of our property and savings...

At this point....there are a select few who decide they cannot stand to be married, or divorced, so they some how convince themselves murder will become their salvation.

I agree that life is certainly too short to live unhappily, and with someone you can't stand. True also that divorce can become a difficult option....

But, living life -period- is worth living.

I never thought about killing my 'X'.

Being separated was enough for me.

So, we took the long road and divorced. It took a year and it wasn't fun, nor was it pretty...but...

Just being able to remove he and myself from the misery of being married, having the ability to move away from each other and move on would give us the freedom both emotionally and physically that we needed.

Let's for a moment contemplate something else ...

Life in prison, the electric chair, and/or our family going through life with the agony we put them through after having been convicted of murder....(and in our case there would be some children left without parents).

So, what makes some people believe murder is better (or smarter) than divorce is beyond me...

We know the spouse is always a suspect....and therefore we'll be caught...(remember Scott Peterson?)

My thoughts:
This is your life...and if being married is painful, and divorce seems even more painful, 
think about the alternatives, or maybe more so, think about the consequences to the alternative.

Read some statistics on spousal homicide.
Read some true spousal homicide stories.
A list of more true crime stories.
Wagner/Wood, Spousal Homicide or An Accident?

Wow! Unbelievable! Revenge-Plot Failed!

Read this news highlight and see how an 'X'-wife tried to get revenge on her X'-husband,
who already had an inkling she was up to no good.

All I can say is WOW!

I don't know if I'd call his smarts, 'female intuition', like the article and author states...

I think I'd actually call it some 'CYA'.

Reading this sure was funny, but in all actuality, getting back at your 'X' is no laughing matter....

Just goes to show ya, be careful out there...you never know what trap might be around the corner.

So, do the right thing and play it cool, and whether man or woman, don't ever think that getting revenge on your 'X' will be prosperous....

You will only hurt the children, waste your time, and in the end, you will be the fool...

Because kids eventually grow up - to see the games you have played....

A Great Divorce Tweet

Tweeted by   

Divorce Outreach:

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” ~Lewis B Snede

I'm Re-Married and Nothing Has Changed

Attempting Wedded Bliss A Second Time

I've been divorced for six years but was recently re-married and since then, everyone I see keeps asking me... 'So, how's life as Mrs., has anything changed?'

Prior to tying the knot I continually wondered if anything would be different after the 'big day'.

I remember marrying my first husband. I had really thought something (anything) would change. I figured we'd known each other so well that it would only get better from there and we would embark on a brilliant world of matrimony! (Boy was I wrong...on all accounts.)

We didn't know each other nearly enough and things certainly did not get better, the marriage was blissful for a while....but not forever like we'd thought.

What is it about getting married young, or for the first time? Why is it we think things will magically and magnificently change?

We imagine things like:

• We will become a better couple
• We will become smarter people
• We will become more complete human beings
• We will become more successful individuals

None of those things change as a result of marriage.

That is fantasy.

And this is reality.

I knew what it felt like to get married already. I knew what it was like to be a bride, say my vows and...be a wife...I knew what to expect.

But, this time around, as every one of my friends and colleagues got excited for my wedding and the 'big changes' ahead, I played it cool....expecting something different....

I hoped that absolutely nothing would change.

And so far, as dull as it might seem, I was right....nothing has.

Things are the same as they were before we made it legal.

• We still sometimes have the miscommunication which most men and women (or any couple) tends to have...

• We still have very little time to spend alone together (we're a busy family and a two income household) ...

• We still love each other very much ...

And I am very okay with this!

We will endure the ups and downs that life bring and celebrate the amazing moments....learning something new about each other every day (hoping it's mostly good...but it know that it won't always be...)

Okay- so it seems that maybe one thing might have changed this time around (possibly even two)...

1. We try harder to make it through things........because we know what our options are....

      2.  We married for the right reasons, and what appears to be the right person, and we aren't awaiting  a magic spell to take place

Maybe second marriages don't get the credit they deserve....

Fitting In To Society

 

'I've never been married, 

but I tell people I'm divorced

 so they won't think something is wrong with me'.

- Elayne Boosler

What We Can Learn From Kim Kardashian & Kris Humphries

After divorce we can all usually look back and see a few things we could have done differently, or a couple of red flags that we ignored.

It's all bad...
But when you are in the 'honeymoon phase' you don't always see them...and often choose to ignore them.

Seems to me that Kim and Kris are probably at this pass, where they look back and say, 'what was I thinking?'.

The top 3 things I think they did wrong?

1. They didn't live together first (how do you truly know somebody if you don't?)
2. They let Kim's little sister and child live under the same roof as them. (This is right up there with working with relatives and most companies have policies against it, for a reason!) I mean they were newlyweds coming home to her sister and baby living with them...I don't think that is a good idea for any newlyweds.
3. They didn't call it quits prior to walking down the aisle (for 'whatever' reason).

The one thing they did right?

 ***Get Divorced!***

Now, if someone would just cancel their show so they can get on with their lives.

What did you do in your honeymoon phase which you now know was a mistake? Did you see any red flags?

Was the Time Invested in Your Marriage Wasted After Divorce?

Ten years seems like forever.
That's how long my first marriage was.

For the longest time after my divorce I would look back at those ten years and curse them (literally)...and curse myself as well.

I'd felt I'd 'wasted' so much time on that relationship. I was resentful that I'd never be able to get that time back and the only thing I was grateful for were the children we had from the marriage.

Whether you've spent one, two, ten, twenty-five or forty  years married, and then get a divorce, chances are you will automatically feel like those years have been thrown away in the trash, never to be regained.

Well, part of that is true.

None of those years can be relived. But none of them should be viewed as a waste. Ever.

Those years were full of growing, learning, and having experiences you never would have had without that relationship. There is a lot to be taken away from that. (Both good and bad.)

We should never squander our  precious present on regrets, woulda's, shoulda's, or coulda's.....
That is a terrible use of time and a negative way to live. It's only going to make us feel worse.
(Ask me how I know...)

But it can be very easy to get caught up in it, get angry, and tell ourselves 'what was I thinking?' being with that person if it wasn't gong to work out....

I can tell you, that it makes no difference how long you spent together, how many anniversaries you shared or how many vacations you took or places you lived together....it wasn't a waste....

But, it's over now.
 And looking forward is what will benefit you to most...not looking back.


After six years of divorce, I can now see that ten years was only a small sliver of my life and that the best years, the best of my life is right now, right in front of me, and that there is plenty more to look forward to.

I like Dr. Phil's advice. He's always offers straight up, with no fluff. Sometimes he can give a hard pill to swallow, but boy, he always hits the mark.

Read some of his tips  about moving on after divorce.

 "Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why we call it 'The Present'." attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt “

What is there to be Thankful for After Divorce?

With Thanksgiving just around the corner, the theme everywhere seems to be 'appreciation and gratitude'.

The devastation which is left behind after divorce

can take it's toll...

 With tornadoes of emotional pain, constant hurricanes of financial issues and floods of unwanted stress, we often wonder how we're supposed to find gratitude amongst this ugly mess we call divorce.


Sure, over time, things do get better, but if it's just the beginning, or it's taking a while for things to fall into place, it can be a challenge to find that grateful spirit so many push during this time of year.

Thanksgiving is a holiday geared around family traditions...and if you are divorced, your old traditions may only be with you in memory...

Some people may not realize how much divorce uproots a persons life.

Although my divorce has been over for six years, it never really goes away. I have children with my 'X' and so I must interact with him more often than I'd like...and yes, yes, I know, I should try to be friends...believe me, I've been there and I tried that for a while...no takers on the other end so it is a very separate relationship...

No Demi Moore and Bruce Willis fantasy here.... I suppose it's simpler this way.

But, that isn't really my biggest challenge.

It's actually finding out what I should be thankful for this week, when starting last year, my children and I will never spend another Thanksgiving together until they are eighteen (or older).

Hmmmmm............

Well, what would any divorced person be thankful for on Thanksgiving?

This is what I came up with (for starters):

1. My children are lucky enough to have a father who wants to spend time with them
2. My children are also lucky to have step-siblings they enjoy spending time with when they are there

3. I have them on Halloween, half the summer and every other Christmas and every other day of the year besides spring break!!!    That is something to be grateful for!!!!!

4. A warm home
5. Good health
6. Clean, running water
7. The right to choose, vote, speak my opinions and practice my religion
8. Love
9. Life
9. The freedom to divorce ;)
10. Second chances
11. The opportunity to rebuild

...Not to mention a mini-vacation from being Mom....

You can see that even with the divorce, I still have plenty to be thankful for.

So this Thanksgiving, consider your divorce 'an inconvenience to appreciate' because not everyone gets a second chance to build a new life, or rebuild at all...


Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation.  ~ Brian Tracy

After Every Natural Disaster....Somehow People Always Find the Courage to Rebuild

What are You Thankful for???

When Your Cell Phone's Spell Check Fails

Recently this happened to me, except I was texting a friend about my recent wedding.

I'd asked her if she would be coming early to the rehearsal party and my phone spell checked it as 

'reversal party'

YIKES! 

Be careful out there, 

Spell check has a mind of it's own!

How Do You Know If The Guy/Girl You Are Dating Will Be a Great Step-Parent?

I have many theories of how you will know if a boyfriend/girlfriend would make an acceptable step parent, but it would take me a while to explain my thoughts (all of which I plan on sharing in my divorce book!) but until then, I try to share what nuggets of great advice I find...and here is some on this topic:

How Can You Tell If Someone Will Be A Good Step-dad

A Healthy Divorce Article

Anyone whose ever read my blog knows how much I talk about bad divorce blogs and bad divorce advice.
You might have also heard me say how difficult it is to find something about divorce worth reading, but after much searching this weekend, I found something!

This is a very smart article that I just had to share it with you! A few of the things mentioned you may have already heard me say, but there are definitely some you haven't.

So, click here to read some really great divorce advice and let me know what you think. (Anything that says he, can often be switched to she and vice versa, since much of the advice is universal.)

Funny Quote About Celeb Divorce

“In Hollywood, an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty percent of publicity.”
~Lauren Bacall

Crying Over the Divorce

Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears, so that we can see life with a clearer view again. - Alex Tan

Poster Child for Divorce

 A story for you:

The week my divorce was final...Which was a year to the day I made the 'D'ecision.

'One summer day a stay-at-home-mom of three (all under the age of eight), and who home schooled her two oldest, decided to divorce her husband. They had a newly built home, no money in the bank and debt up to their eyeballs. She had a hefty car payment, employment skills which hadn't been updated in years because she'd been nursing pregnancies and raising little ones, while working from home. With no family to speak of locally who could help her, it appeared from the outside (and from her then-husband's point of view), that she didn't have a leg to stand on, a pot to @#%& in, or a place to go.'

'It's true, she didn't. But she still asked for a divorce.....'

That's the beginning of my divorce story.

I'd like to say I knew what I was doing back then...but I didn't. Even today, I have to really think hard to remember the initial leap and what I was expecting to happen. After a few minutes, I do find it... the reason I called it quits, and what my expectations were.

The Reason: Desperate for self-preservation and to escape the emotional abuse and camouflaged control.

My Expectations: Freedom, good health, independence and happiness.

I didn't have enough sense to think about what was next...I just did what I had to do...

It amazed me...with the amount of mental, physical and financial hell it cost me, I still seemed to somehow become the poster child for divorce amongst people I knew.

I never understood that.

They would say it was because I was brave enough to do it, and that I seemed okay after all of it.

I wasn't comfortable with the admiration...I hadn't felt brave. And actually, I felt rather stupid.

It probably wasn't the wisest idea; going into a divorce without a plan, because some days all I could do was cry, some days I just prayed. Sometimes I cursed, sometimes I messed up, and many days I thought about giving up. But I kept on pushing forward....and finally somehow made some headway in rebuilding myself and my life.

In my eyes, divorcing my husband had absolute nothing to do with courage. It had everything to do with survival.

'Okay, yes, I'm divorced and now I'm happy'. And 'Yes, it worked out for me in the end' .' 'But, no, I didn't want to have to take that step and it was painful as hell... and you shouldn't have to go through it either...if you can help it.'

When people come to me about being miserable in their own marriages I try to guide them back in the other direction. They don't always listen to me, and I guess sometimes they shouldn't...

So, now when someone asks, 'Should I get a divorce?',  My new advice to them is this:
You'll know when it's over. Just like I did. And like me, you probably won't have any idea what to do, but you will 'just do it'. You'll think about it, you'll try your hardest to talk yourself out of it, you will do what's right and try to make things work and when nothing works and you are exhausted and still miserable...(which is what happened to me after ten years of marriage), one day you will say...'that's it...we are getting divorced' and nothing will change your mind.

I know that just like when you will know somethings right, you will also know when it's not.

If this happens to you, it's okay, I'm here, and I understand. I will help guide you..(hence why I blog Divorce Dazed.

But, before then, seek everything in your power to preserve what is left in your marriage...

You don't want to live with regret.

You may not have time to plan. You may not have the sense to organize or strategize...I didn't...

Looking back, it does seem kind of crazy, and so yes, I recommend having a plan...it could make things much easier...

I suppose I it turned out alright, I certainly do not regret it, and since then I've actually decided to get re-married....

Which is now making me the poster child for 'Hope'.....

I guess that's a good thing....

Divorce Parties: In or Out?

Let's Celebrate!

Apparently these folks decided to throw a party for their divorce...together!
Wow! Imagine that!!!

My new husband and I were recently invited to one similar to this.
It was a Halloween/Divorce Party.

I can't picture throwing a divorce party with both my 'X' and myself as guests of honor,
I can imagine the party though....
It's a pretty exhilarating feeling for most when all that garbage the past is behind you.

Very much like a reception party after a wedding ceremony, it seems like the way to go I guess....

I just don't know where it stands on the etiquette scale.

To Party or Not To Party?

Did you have a Divorce Party?
If you didn't... would you go back and have one?

Another One Bites the Dust

And I'm not referring to another celebrity couple like Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries heading to divorce court.

I mean, another couple who was dating, has ended their relationship.

So what?
It happens all the time you say?

True. It does, and it's not unusually abnormal or tragic when a couple splits up after dating...

But the difference is, one of the parties I'm referring to had been divorced for just less than a year.

Makes me wonder.
What makes us think we should jump back into the dating scene after divorce?
And what makes us think we have to?

I was not ready at all when I began dating after my divorce. I actually did the biggest no-no, I started dating before the divorce was final. (I can hear the ooooo's and ahhhhhhh's now....but I hate to tell you that I'm not the only one- I am actually the majority.)

My soon-to-be-'X'-husband was quite angry at the time, the new guy in my life soon realized he'd swallowed a nasty little pill, and we all eventually wound up heartbroken.

Dating anyone who is separated should be illegal.

Dating while separated should be illegal.

Dating anyone when your divorce is still new, is always a very bad idea...

...It isn't illegal, but ought to be.

Too many people get more screwed up in the process.

So many divorcees feel the need to get back out there, but when they do, they find out that the dating scene has changed quite a bit, and they end up realizing (hopefully, before they get married just-out-of-the-gate to the rebound) that they aren't ready for it.

While I certainly feel divorcee's should eventually involve themselves with a partner again because it's good to learn how to be in a relationship again... I do not recommend they try it until a full has passed from the  date the divorce becomes final and NEVER while they are still married...

People do this all the time and it always leads to unnecessary messiness.
I was not ready for dating, and I read books, prayed, and worked on myself in many ways during my separation. It didn't matter, I was still not ready for the work and energy of a new relationship, the flood of emotions from a new romance, or the processing of, and the leaving behind, of the baggage.

Divorce recovery, and re-entering the dating world, is a time honored process.

No one should attempt to do it in record time.

How long did you wait to get back into dating?
How did it go?

Will Divorce Dazed Continue??

 Last Week....
I wrote about getting re-married and how it has prompted  people to approach me regarding the continuation of this blog.....

The #1 Question I Was Asked:
'Should you still be writing a divorce blog, even though you're getting re-married...?'

 

I decided to ask readers to share their thoughts with me...

The responses have been interesting.

Some of the answers I received:

"No. Why would you want to continue to live in the past?"

"Well you aren't divorced anymore, so I'm not really sure you can relate."

"What would you teach people who are divorced now that you're married again?"

"I'm not sure it matters, you've been divorced before so I guess you can still write about it."

As much as I wish it were not true...I am divorced. I have been for five years.. 

It will always be part of my past life experiences. Society (most of it anyways) will always view me as 'divorced'...It even says so on my new marriage certificate...The fact that I was divorced will never change, and I can't pretend it didn't happen. 

I've had a fair share of turbulence after my divorce and and as long as divorce is still legal, and people are still imperfect, divorces will continue to happen and we will all require emotional support to heal and move on.

I've taken every one's questions and comments into consideration and here are some of my thoughts:

Some of you are right, I do have to remember about the past to write Divorce Dazed. Though, if I'm stuck remembering it anyhow, but I'm healthier in the present...why not use the good stuff to help others get to the same place....?

I agree also, I have a new marriage to think about. Though a reminder,  divorce does not end because a new marriage begins. It's not over after the ink dries in court on D. Day and doesn't disappear with a new relationship. (But I can say that rethinking my previous marriage often helps me in my new marriage.)

So, I don't actually consider blogging about divorce 'living in the past'..I consider it contributing positively to the future.

Life after divorce is a renewing process...a continuing learning experience, and has a lot more to do with ourselves as people, than our previous marriages and 'X' spouses.

Throughout the beginning stages of my divorce, even until now, I've always felt that sound, healthy, divorce  advice is scarce ...and I would like to think  Divorce Dazed offers what the web is lacking when it comes to guiding divorcee's to success. (Which is why I started blogging D.D.)

Bottom line? I am not letting re-marriage stop me from sharing with others what I went through and how I learned from it....and eventually how it changed my life for the better.

So, Yes, I will still be writing Divorce Dazed and I hope you will continue to join me!

Truly,

Amber

Re-married, writing about Divorce...(Opinions wanted)

Recently the question has come up, 'Will you still write your Divorce Dazed blog?'

and
'Can you still write a divorce blog since you'll be married?'

Those are two very good questions.

Should I still be writing a divorce blog, even though I am re-married...?

What do you think?

Email me or leave a COMMENT.

To be continued...

Do Not Disturb

Door hanger by Lillian Rose

This week we are on our honeymoon.
As much time as I spend writing blogs and working on my columns and doing sidework for my business, I thought I would be taking some work with me...

Though my new husband had other ideas.

During my first marriage I don't think I felt I could spend time away from the kids...I didn't always get excited about going away or getting a sitter to go on dates with my hubby.

And because I feel that this is my chance to do better in my second marriage, than I did in my first, I will be hanging up the computer for a few days to celebrate my husband and I.

What would you do (or have you done) differently in a romantic relationship after your divorce?