Divorce Court Revisited

Who would've thought that five years later, when I'm about to enter a new marriage (at a time when I'd like to forget about my divorce) I'm forced to dig it up...

As a divorcee applying for a marriage license, I'm required to provide a registered copy of my original divorce decree from the court that issued it.

So, not only did I have to send a letter to my home state of Connecticut requesting my papers from the court, but my fiancee had to do the same.

His arrived the other day...mine is en route.

Three weeks before your wedding, the last thing you want on your mind is your 'X', your divorce, and your wedding with them...etc., etc., etc. 

It's unfortunate that I have to go through this step...

But then again, it's very thought provoking....

I can look at this inconvenience two ways...

Divorce still sucks, which it does...and I will never escape it, which I probably won't...

Or

Jumping through this last hoop can help me ask myself some serious questions:

1. Is this relationship ALL right?
2. Does it have ENOUGH potential?
3. Am I up up for the rest of the challenge???

Once you're far enough away from your divorce, it's much easier to put it out of your head as often as possible..and even forget the troubles that happened within the marriage.

That is, until you decide to re-marry...

Then, suddenly, you realize you've been here before...it was fun, romantic and full of hope...just as it is now.

Then you painfully remember it didn't go very well last time....

I'm not going to lie...it's a little scary.

But fear has to make way for hope....as cliche as that seems.

If I walk around for the rest of my life assuming that love and life will always be as horrifying as my divorce...how will I ever move on?

At some point I had to stop hating and distrusting, and start loving....

I've been divorced. I've seen marriage at it's best...and I've also seen it at it's worst...

So what makes me think I can do it better now?

Well...
I'd hope that the journey through it all has taught me enough to help make this marriage last.
I'd hope that admitting I chose the wrong mate the first time would help me choose the right one this time...And I'd hope that the maturity and realistic views of life and love would allow me the patience, acceptance, courage and strength to love unconditionally until the very end...and expect nothing less in return.

Divorce should not be the cloud that forever shadows our outlook on the future....nor should it be the only thing that we think about every day...

I've been there and done that....it's surely a miserable existence.

Truly,
Amber