I used to be a person who believed that any marital issues could be resolved.
Though several years into my marriage, and many attempts at working through things, I began to doubt that theory.
I did what I thought any spouse should do; try hard and work on things until you get it right.
But no matter how hard I tried, things were not working out. (I should’ve been reading that book, ‘He’s just not that into you’, I would’ve saved myself a ton of time and heartache.)
I was not a perfect wife by any means, but I was at least willing to bend and change (maybe too much).
I was prepared to counsel, flex and work harder than each of the days before.
For my children’s sake, I wish that he could have gotten things straightened out. But that’s not what happened.
Things finally became clear to me that it was time to get a divorce.
Many (even members of my family) criticized me for even thinking about divorce, and of course then I was chastised for actually going through with it.
But this is the way I looked at it; divorce could be good for my children.
While my husband and I had problems it were my children who continued to suffer. Precious time wasted on arguments. Sweet moments thrown away on being irritated and angry.
You might think that divorce is the only time kids are affected by marital problems, but it’s not.
Think about the last time you had a disagreement or real conflict with someone at work. There’s tension- No?
That tension is evident to those around you and is not exclusive to just you and the person you are at odds with. It leaks.
Imagine how it might be for a person living with you.
More so, imagine what it’s like for a child who is dependent on you to know you love them, care for them, and are emotionally available to them.
It’s painful and confusing.
Children, no matter what the age, are easily affected by marital stress.
Additionally, couples who continue on for long periods of time with unresolved marriage issues can become detached, distant and easily irritated. They can begin using alcohol to deal with the issues at home.
Some may choose to turn away from their family searching for more of a social-life, getting involved in affairs and/or internet relationships, in pursuit of the same results; a way of escaping their marital problems.
You may think that children don't notice these changes. But even if they cannot see them, they can still feel them.
In some cases, it may be better to divorce.
Children will suffer no matter what the decision, but being able to provide them with emotional stability and emotional availability is worth the sacrifice.
Many kids (including my own) have said that they would not change a thing about their lives.
And although they may not have wanted their parents to get divorced, they see that everyone is much happier and that is what matters.
Why would kids say something like this?
Because, it’s what feels good.
They don’t want to spend their entire childhood amongst their parent’s constant state of conflict.
They just want to be happy…and sometimes that means they want to see you happy too.
Truly,
Amber
No comments:
Post a Comment