My boyfriend and I are celebrating our second year anniversary today. We were introduced by a mutual friend of ours and we’ve been inseparable ever since. (If you don’t count our six-month –long-distance relationship.) And by inseparable I do not mean that we aren’t our own person , without our own interests and activities…because as I learned from my first marriage, that’s not healthy.
What I mean is that we are really a great pair.
We have downs like every couple and some have not been pretty…but we have been learning every day how to communicate, work together, and create more win-win situations. (Hard to do if you did it poorly in your first marriage-bad habits die hard.)
We have lots of laughs together, incredible moments of growing and understanding each other.
He does not have any children, but I have my three children who live with us and we work very well side by side as parents, and always know how in which direction we are going in with them.
As we celebrate two years of being together, we are also counting down the days to getting married.
I know some would say that we must be crazy…
Sometimes I think too, ‘I must be out of my mind!’, and not because I don’t love him, but because we have both been married before and have also been divorced and neither of us want to have a bad marriage and end up in like that…all over again.
Also, I think that something bad happens to divorcees …we tend to become jaded.
We become negative on marriage and we lose hope on long lasting, truly wonderful relationships. Or sometimes the opposite happens…we dive right into marriage again without thinking; never taking the time to figure out the true issues behind our failed marriage. Then history repeats itself and we bottom out…looking around wondering what in the world just happened.
I rushed into an engagement before this one.
I wasn’t divorced but just two years…(not nearly long enough if you ask me).
A great person he was, and great friends we were, though we had many differences and I should’ve never said ‘Yes’.
More so, I should’ve seen the signs.
But I had hope, I wanted that love again.
I backed out early. (Very early.)
I should’ve known it wasn’t right…
I avoided the marriage question like the plague, then after I said yes I couldn’t pick a date..hmmm..
And I never truly felt comfortable wearing the ring…
How about the fact that we never agreed on anything, we never were looking in the same direction and we parented completely differently (he had three of his own children).
Arguments got worse –
Can you say YIKES!?
This time is different…
How do I know?
Because I have done it wrong before and almost done it wrong again….and I can see better now.
Yes, we disagree sometimes, but we agree more often than not. We love, we support, we change and we grow. (None of this was done in my first marriage or my previous engagement.)
Marriage after divorce has to really, really, really be right and by golly, has to be thought about before jumping into it; Happily Ever After doesn’t await you just because you dump the ‘X’ and start over with someone different.
The nightmare continues when you don’t spend enough time on yourself after divorce but think happiness lies in remarrying.
Two years has gone by so fast…and not all of it was easy…and I don’t imagine that all of it will be.
But we have been together long enough to know if it will work.
We also feel that we have learned about how many of our weaknesses and habits may have contributed to problems in our first marriages so that we do not make the same mistakes again in this one.
So don’t call us crazy…
Instead, wish us luck.
On Sweetest Day of 2011 we will be headed into Holy Matrimony for the second time…
Knowing that it won't be a fairytale but our life together will be worth the work:)
Truly,
Amber
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