Got Burned?

Ever get burned?

I suppose that we all may have at one point or another.

This Memorial Day weekend I got burned. 

It wasn’t my first and by the looks of things it probably will not be my last.

I will say this, I was more cautious than I have been in the past.

I had an umbrella and I reapplied sunscreen often.

But…I still got burnt.

Getting burned from the sun is somewhat similar to being burnt in a relationship.

Like when your ‘X’ did a number on you and you felt downright scorched (to say the very least).

Now, you have vowed to never speak the opposite sex again.

You have taken an oath that you will never date again, and for as long as you live, you will never, ever, EVER, under any circumstance, marry again!

Maybe you haven’t gone to that extreme but you do hold a grudge against the opposite sex because of the ill will that your ‘X’ caused you.

Okay, I understand your motives, but let me tell you this is not exactly realistic.

You have merit to a certain degree I'd be willing to bet...and I completely agree that you should

certainly steer clear of dating for a while, don’t rush into anything, and definitely approach any new relationships slow and cautiously.

But getting burned can make us bitter, and that is what most divorcee’s walk around like.

Think about this for a minute.

Is it realistic for me to imagine never going out into the sun again?

And on the same token, is it logical to think that I will get burn every time that I am exposed to the sun?

No and no.

Can the sun damage me?

Yes…If I let it.

After a divorce, similar to the time period after a sunburn, when there is healing to be done, there are things to consider before jumping back in: 

1.  What went wrong? 
2. What do I need to do better next time?
3. What common sense logic or rules did I forget (or ignore)?
4. What can I do to prevent myself from getting burned next time?

4.    

Staying out of the sun isn’t realistic, and it’s probably fair to say, that staying away from another relationship for the rest of your life might very well be impossible. 

Healing and learning from our pain can be the key.

Most people treat their divorcees with resentment, anger and blame which goes causes them to treat their ‘X’ badly; rather than treating the burn, they treat the 'X'.

I believe that this is the wrong thinking.

Most people, including me, treat their sunburn with something like lotion, burn cream or maybe some aloe. 

We treat the sunburn, not the sun.

The sun is not to blame. We have control over where we were and how much we prepared to be there.

For me, I know that the next time I go into the sun I will remember the sting and I will wait a while before I go back out there since the burn doesn’t go away right away. This can help me to be more prepared; wiser next time...and heal before I do it again.

So, if you are the one who got burned, don’t take it out on your ‘X’ or the sun. And don't think that the only way to get over it is to never go in the sun again.

It won’t solve anything and it certainly will not better prepare you for the next time…because believe me, there will be a next time.

Just rethink the list of 1-4, then be careful and enjoy.

Truly,

Amber