Do Not Get a Divorce...

because of me.

Sometimes I feel like the poster girl for divorce amongst some of my friends.

Not many of them are divorced and I always seem to find one or two who look up to me because I had the courage to do it.

Truth? 

It makes me feel guilty. (That is why I am adding a disclaimer to my blog.)

I don’t want to be the one who inspires people to want to divorce and I'm especially careful when someone consults me; I never suggest divorce.

I just do what I always do- listen and ask questions and hopefully the person comes to their own conclusions.

‘But, Amber, you are happy…’ they say.

Yes, I am. But my situation was my own. I could never relate my broken marriage to someone else’s, nor could I suggest divorce to someone.

Divorce is an individual decision.

In my case I was a woman who’d had enough...

Enough guessing whether or not my husband loved me. Enough of being degraded; ever so slightly. I had had enough of the control that came in the form of a man who was ‘just trying to look out for me’. 

I’d finally had enough of pulling my weight, trying to work on my marriage and be the perfect wife, and feeling like anything but.

I was tired of being made to think I wrong for trying to be myself and I was quite done trying so hard to be someone else in order to feel loved and accepted.

I am just one person. One person who asked for a divorce.

My situation and my decision aren’t the rule. All relationships are different. And I actually hope and pray that most couples stay together. (Some should've never gotten married. A blog post for another day.)

And when I tell people this they always say, ‘Yah, buy you did it!’

I did do it.

And it was one of the hardest things I’d ever done in my entire life; and I pay for it dearly for it with missed holidays with my children, arguments with my X and thousands of dollars in attorney’s fees.

I am also rewarded for it…

Because now I get to be myself and I can teach my children what a healthy relationship is all about.

Divorce has its pros and cons. It’s about what matters to you not me.

 

Truly,

Amber