Here is what I read on MSNBC after the first announcement of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver's initial separation:
I bet today there are a whole slew of other 'Reasons for Divorce' articles that would most likely include ‘getting someone pregnant other than your wife’.
When I read Maria’s book over ten years ago, (‘Ten Things I Wish I’d Known-Before I Went Out into the Real World) I wondered if their marriage would last.
I wondered because she mentioned hat she told Arnold she didn’t want to follow her husband into a life of politics. She had followed her father when he did it and she was not going to do it again. And there she was, standing beside Arnold while he was sworn in as governor, and dropping her career to do it.
I saw the signs, she was giving up who she was for her husband.
A sacrifice too severe will inevitably lead her away from herself, then each they will grow away from each other and closer towards divorce.
Celebrities divorce all the time, and sometimes not even 72 hours after marrying, as in the case of Britney Spears.
But so do regular Jill's and Joe's. Divorce happens to couples who are young, old, black, white, religious or not; rich or poor, career oriented or unemployed.
Marital problems are not prejudice.
So, what gives? Why do we end up divorced?
In my opinion, I think that each couple who is divorced will be the only one's with the answer to that.
(In the case of Arnold and Maria- I guess we can fairly say that most of us kind-of-know why this marriage is over, but do we have any idea what actually started it all? You know what I mean; that downward spiral?)
Some time ago I really believed that getting married was the culprit.
Marry the wrong person, marry for the wrong reasons and wind up divorced.
It's a no-brainer.
But lately, when I look around at couples who’ve been together, through everything, it seems…
I have to wonder if it’s the fact that there are so many opportunities for people to make mistakes, change who they are or keep secrets from their spouses. Maybe not even be up front about who they are to begin with.
I also used have the idea that it was only the couples that married too young who were the ones waking up ten years later to find that they were two completely different people than they were when they got married.
It’s clearly not just that...
So this raises more questions...
Are these folks changing as individuals and not together? Are they changing themselves-and because of that growth, it causes their preferences in a mate to change? And if so, how is that prevented?
I don’t know, I am not a marriage counselor. I don’t have ESP and I am not God.
And speaking of God....is it Him?
Might there be a possibility that there is not enough of Him in marriages? And I don’t mean the part where you think God wouldn’t want you to divorce- so you ‘stick with it’- but the part where God plays a very important role from the beginning- in the ways that you treat each other?
Whatever it is, I think we can all see that it happens to the best of people and the worst of people, the rich the poor, the celebrity or not, the educated or not...
And I think the bottom line is: no one can control someone else.
And a lifetime is a very long time to be in 'Holy Matrimony'.
People are going to make mistakes, break hearts, screw up finances, lose jobs and say things they don’t mean.
So then what?
Some will stay together and some will divorce.
But why?
A question I am not sure that I will ever be able to answer, since each marriage, like each divorce is different and very, very private.
No matter how public it may seem.
Truly,
Amber
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